A trip to Xin Xiang

A trip to Xin Xiang

And corners in the East and West

Today Evan had a mostly good day.  We went to the breakfast buffet and Evan enjoyed himself but actually came to a stopping point where he said he was full.  We all amused ourselves until about 2 p.m. when it was time to go back to Xin Xiang with our guide and driver to retrieve Evan’s passport from the police station. 

Xin Xiang is the city where the orphanage actually is.  Our original plan was to visit the orphanage, but after Evan had such a hard time making the initial transition, I decided I didn’t want to risk confusing him by bringing him back for a visit.  Still, the young lady who brought him to Zhengzhou the first day was to meet us there, and that had me worried.  Was he going to want to go with her?  We arrived early and sat around waiting for about 20 minutes.  Evan was very well behaved but he might have been subdued because he napped the entire ride to Xin Xiang.  He enjoyed using my camera to take photos of everything in the Police Station, starting with the men trying to fix the steady leak in the ceiling that was soaking the floor next to us. 

The young lady arrived and Evan seemed happy to show her his new toys and give her a hug.  Still, he sat by me and that made me feel better.  We went to the counter to complete our business.  Evan snapped a photo of the police woman and she didn’t crack a smile.  They were very businesslike – the man who retrieved Evan’s passport hardly turned to face us as he tossed it up on the counter. Next. 

When it was time to go, Evan looked at me confused, and I held his hand and gestured that he was coming with us.  Thankfully, this pleased him.  He gave the young lady from the orphanage a kiss on the cheek and I saw tears in her eyes.  I assured her I would send  photos of Evan in his new life. 

The ride back was uneventful.  The guide dropped us at the hotel and we decided to go to dinner.  It had been a very good day and Evan’s behavior had really improved.  However, I’ve determined that Evan likes to show off the most when we are in public, so   apparently it was show-time at the restaurant.  Or maybe he was just too hungry.  Whatever the case, Evan started being his wild self – not running around, mind you – just doing things to aggravate.  For lack of a better term, my new son can be a real “ball buster”, lol.  He would not release my camera and was flashing pictures in our faces and the waitress’ face.  When I was trying to order from the waitress and show him the menu, Evan made the hand shape of a gun and pretended to shoot me.  Oh yeah, that’s my boy! J We were sitting in couch like seats, and he picked up the cushion and pretended he was going to hurl it.   He dropped his straw on the floor and wanted to pick it up.  When I wouldn’t let him, he didn’t have a tantrum like most kids would.  Evan motioned for me to, “Look –look over there!”  But the smirk on his face betrayed him and I caught him as he tried to use my distraction as an opportunity to grab the dirty straw. Sometimes he is 6 going on 26.  

It just went on for a while -----until I had ENOUGH.   I told Anita I would be right back.  I took Evan’s hand and we walked down the stairs to the front door of the restaurant.  We walked outside.  Evan was looking at me as if to say, “What are we doing here, we haven’t eaten yet?”  I led him a few feet away from the front door and I gestured that I am the Mommy and he is to be good.  Then I turned his face to the wall.  Evan’s whole countenance changed.  I could tell Evan was WELL ACQUAINTED with “corner time.”  I am not surprised.  LOL.  He, on the other hand, was very surprised.  He looked hurt.  He looked bewildered.  He looked at me as if to say, “How do you know about ‘the corner?’  I told him again that he had to be good.  Then I asked him if he would like to go back upstairs to eat.  Evan shook his head, “No.”  I waited a moment and asked again. “No.”  I could tell he was really disappointed in me.  I finally picked him up and gave him a hug and kissed his head and asked if he was ready, and Evan finally nodded, “Yes.”  Back upstairs, he was somewhat better.  I could tell by how he tore into his food that he was very hungry.

Later, we went back to the room, got washed up, and went to bed. Every day is a little better.  Evan is starting to pick up some of the signs I am using with him.  He definitely understands when I use them, even if he is not ready to use them himself.  I thought he would be eager to learn signs to communicate – but as my sister pointed out, Evan has NO problem making himself understood.  This little guy is extremely smart.  He is fearless.  I am sure until now he has done a remarkable job of fending for himself in the orphanage.  They also taught him quite a bit.  I brought a coloring book with numbers and letters.  Evan doesn’t know English letters, but he is well acquainted with our numbers.  One page had 1 through 20, but some numbers were missing and you have to fill in the missing numbers.  Evan did this without hesitation.   He is quite typical in some ways – he loves the bath and likes to brush his teeth.  He prefers to wear his underwear backwards so the characters are in the front – Ben did that too!  He likes toys and cartoons.   Each day we bond more, and he makes us laugh.  I am sure he is going to do very well as time goes on.  That’s all for now….we will see what tomorrow will bring.

***  Please leave your comments on the blog and I will email them to Heidi - she is very eager to keep up with the blog chatter! I will pass along comments to her... She really misses FB and talking with friends!

Day 2 - On the upswing :-) Food is really the way to a boy’s heart.

  Day 2 -  On the upswing J  Food is really the way to a boy’s heart.

Evan woke up after me this morning and I stretched my arms out to offer a hug.  He came over to me and hugged me, and then climbed back into bed to watch some cartoons.  After a while, we went to the breakfast buffet.  Let me tell you, the Chinese economy is going to collapse if I don’t leave China with this child soon!  I am sure could at least bankrupt this hotel with his eating.   We stayed for over an hour and he never-stopped-eating.  At one point, he picked up a plate with crumbs and held it up to his open mouth and used a fork to scrape every miniscule morsel down the hatch!  Anita and I gazed on in amazement. 

Our official business today was going back to the Civil Affairs Office to finalize the paperwork.  Evan was not very well behaved, I’m afraid.  I smiled like the proud parent I am and kept it moving.  LOL.   Once we left there, things got better for the rest of the day.  I asked our driver to swing by Walmart and I picked up some crayons and a toy action figure.  Evan was delighted – he loves to draw.  I tried to show Evan his name printed in alphabet letters, and show him the finger-spelling sign for each letter.  When we were done, I pointed at the name and said, “This is you!” and I pointed at him.  Evan then took a pencil and wrote his Chinese name in Chinese characters, emphatically drew a box around it, and then pointed to the characters and then himself.  Quite smart. 

We mostly relaxed today and tried to get used to each other.  I didn’t take a lot of pictures. This evening, we went to a local Chinese restaurant.  The meals came out so sizzling hot that the waiter stood holding a napkin in front of you to guard you from splatter for a few minutes when he uncovered it.  It was another interesting experience. 

All in all, today was much better than yesterday.  Evan is strong willed, but our communication is improving.  I am showing him signs for things as we go – teaching myself and him at the same time.  Ben and I took sign language at Armstrong with our terrific instructor Barbara, but it doesn’t really stick until you definitely need it.  Well, it’s time for me to get some sleep – we have to hit that buffet early!  I promise more pictures tomorrow.  

First Day with Evan

First Day with Evan

The day we’ve been waiting for anxiously finally arrived.  Our guide Danielle, my sister and I arrived at the Civil Affairs Office.  Inside, some simple tables and chairs stood in a sparsely appointed room.  We were the only ones there.  Shortly after, a gentleman joined us who, Danielle explained, would help facilitate the process.   About 15 minutes later the doors opened and instead of Evan, several families arrived who were also getting their babies today.  The anticipation in the room was electric.  Suddenly there was a flash of excitement as a van drove up.  It was not Evan.  Several women came in, carrying babies ranging from several months to about 2 years old.  The noise rose as Mommies and Daddies broke into exclamations, and the babies howled, not very impressed with their new families.

A short while later, the door opened again.  In the midst of the commotion, in walked Evan – like he owned the place.   Directed toward me, he said, “Mama” at his escort’s urging.  He presented me with his photo albums and a few little workbooks to show me what he did at school. I gave him a toy truck.   He took off playing with that, and I followed.  He then went around the room checking out all the other families’ stuff.  I had to follow him and keep him from “acquiring” new things.  Evan seemed somewhat happy as we took photos together.  I thought, “Hmmm….perhaps this is going to go well – this child seems to have an adventuresome spirit.  Could I have gotten lucky twice? ( Ben made a seamless transition.) 

As the room started to quiet down and we finished our business, it dawned on Evan that he was expected to go with me.  His face grew dark.  He did not want to go.  I had to pick him up (he let me) and carry him to the van.  Once inside, Evan turned away from me, but I could see a stream of tears pouring down his face.  I rubbed his back.  Then, he got Very Angry.  He kept vigorously pointing back towards where we left from, shaking his hands, telling me to, “GO AWAY” with gestures.  He made a leap for the side of the van with the door. The driver locked it. Evan was so angry that he literally gave himself a nosebleed.  Now, my darling new son – who obviously was not enchanted with me, was splattered with blood.  As I tried to get him to let me put some tissues on his nose, I thought, “This will look beautiful in the hotel lobby.”  We arrived and the bleeding had stopped.  Evan was still quite unhappy. The driver had to help me pry him from the van.   I held him on my hip, like a giant toddler and we made quick steps for the elevator. 

I breathed a sigh of relief as we stepped inside.  The guide had left us in the lobby, and now it was just my sister Anita and I, and one angry Chinese boy.  I presented him with a bag of snacks we had fortunately acquired at Walmart early this morning.  Food! A crack in the armor.  Evan opened everything and ate like there would never be anymore.  I got a facecloth and started cleaning him up. Then I gave him the new sneakers I brought for him, which light up.  He seemed to like them and let me put them on his feet.  Then, he went back to eating.  I could tell he was warming up to us because he started offering Anita and I some cookies, too.  We ordered room service and he ate very well.  Then, I put him in a bath and gave him new clothes to dress in. Maybe this “being adopted” thing is not so bad after all? 

With all that excitement, it was still only about 2 o’clock.  I suggested that we try to take him down the road to a park the guide had told us about. We went to the lobby.  Evan refused to hold my hand and wanted to run about. I grabbed his hand and we turned right back around and went back to the room.  I showed him, with gestures, that when we go out he must hold my hand.  He nodded that he understood.  We watched TV for a while and then tried again.  This time, he held my hand and even Aunt Anita’s hand.   We walked to the park, which at first looked like a large landscaped adult walking/scenic park.  Evan looked at me and opened his hands as if to say, “What are we doing here?”   He was not impressed.  After we walked for a bit, we found a section that was set up like a kiddie section at an amusement park with rides.  Evan and I rode several of the rides and he was quite happy. While we were at the park, I bought him a popsicle and a juice. When we returned, he went back to being an eating machine, plowing through the snacks. We went down to a restaurant in the hotel I ordered a noodle dish for Evan.  Anita and I sat in astonishment as Evan devoured much of the food.  I hope his eating slows down or I am going to have to get a second job!

Then, Evan decided it was time for bed.  He walked around, turning off the lights, straightened the pillows, and got in the bed.  I made him get out, brush his teeth, and put on some Batman pajamas.   He still stayed busy as I fought the urge to close my eyes.  Finally, we all went to sleep.

In between all of this, Evan and I looked at some books I had brought. He carefully stacked his belongings on a chair and then took some of the Walmart bags and packed his treasures neatly.  He showed me he could write his Chinese name in Chinese characters.  He drew a picture.  I can tell he likes drawing – like his big brother Ben.  I can also tell he is quite smart.   We Skyped with my mom and Ben.  He seemed interested in Ben, but waved my mother off as if he was dismissing her. LOL.  He is quite a character.  Tomorrow we return to the Civil Affairs Office to sign more papers.  I am sure every day will get a bit better.  More updates to follow….

Arrival in Zhengzhou - The night before I meet my new son

Arrival in Zhengzhou

The night before I meet my new son

There are few moments in life that become indelible memories locked in your mind’s eye. The first moment I laid eyes on my son Ben is one of those moments. I can think of that day and freeze-frame the exact moment I spotted him running about, playing with the ladies from the orphanage who brought him. I can watch, in slow motion, as the lady took his hand and turned him to notice me, saying, “Your new Mama, your new Mama…” Ben looked up, wide-eyed, and said, “Mama.” It was unequivocally the best moment of my life. Tomorrow, I get to have another amazing, life changing, heart-exploding moment… I will meet Evan.

What goes through your mind on such an evening? It is hard to say – hard to describe. I keep trying to picture his little face, but in person people always look slightly different the first time you meet them. I hope he will not be scared. I hope I will know what to do to make him smile and be happy to come with me. I hope he has seen the photos I sent him so I will not be a complete stranger.

Here is an update on our activities. We are in Zhengzhou. It was a 5 ½ hour train ride to get here. Trains are interesting in that you see things you would never see on a plane. We rode through many miles of expansive farm land and dilapidated structures made of crumbling brick and stone. In the large cities in China, there is much wealth – fantastic architecture, expensive cars, well-dressed people humming busily about. The countryside is starkly different. The train was comfortable and air conditioned. We were a bit dismayed at the difference in ‘personal space’ concepts between the Chinese people and us, Americans. We had to put our large suitcases in an empty space at the front of the car. Other luggage was there, as well as people who decided for some reason to sit on the floor of the train in that area. We were a few rows back, but could still watch as one girl mistook my bag for a footrest, and then a computer desk. Another young man who was chatting with her mindlessly played with the handle on Anita’s rolling duffle bag, pulling it up and down as he talked with his lady friend. If you know Anita, you know how batty it drove her to have someone TOUCH her stuff! Oh, we are out of our element! LOL.

We are staying at the Holiday Inn in Zhengzhou. It is much nicer on the inside than the outside. Anita and I went to a restaurant in the hotel that boasted some Western dishes. We both ordered burgers, ready for a familiar taste. Even beef tastes different here. After eating, it was time to catch up on rest. My sleep hours are all messed up, and I can’t seem to straighten out day and night. I skyped with Ben and my mother a little while ago. They seem to be having fun, but I miss them so much. It is hard to see my little Ben, and not be able to hug him. That is all tonight. The next entry you read will definitely have pictures of my new son!

Beijing 2012 June 30th

Beijing 2012 
June 30^th

Here we are – in the capital city of Beijing.  It is presently almost 10 p.m. here, and I’ve got to turn in soon.  We are catching an early train to Zhengzhou in the morning.  Our eyes are red from the air pollution, and it leaves you with a slightly “yucky” feeling, but otherwise it was a very good day. 

 We met our guide Candy in the lobby early this morning.  She was very pleasant and spoke an impressive amount of English.  On the funny side - look at her T-Shirt in the picture with Anita. J   Humor aside, Candy was very informative and gave us a good tour of Tiananmen Square with a lot of historical background.  We then went into the Forbidden City.  It was very hot, and quite crowded.  We found it best to look at things from a distance because the people here are quite aggressive tourists and will literally push you to get past. 

After the Forbidden City, we travelled an hour by car to a restaurant near the Great Wall. Anita and I stuck to menu items that looked similar to what we find at home.  When we arrived at the Great Wall, our guide asked if we wanted to take the cable car, or go up by foot.  Anita, being the smart sister that she is, chose the cable car.  It is quite a ride up and the views are incredible.  When we returned, we had to walk through a gauntlet of merchants selling almost identical wares in makeshift booths.  Anita inquired about a stuffed panda bear, but when she seemed reluctant to pay the price the man asked, he kept trying to make a deal and would not let her past!  He physically blocked her way and no matter which way she stepped he stepped in front of her.  I reached around him and grabbed her wrist and pulled her through to safety.  We decided we were not interested in shopping anymore. 

The drive to and from the Great Wall is very interesting.  You see some buildings that are quite new, and others that are decrepit.  For some reason, frequently there are piles of rubble – bricks and stones- just laying about.  The traffic is very aggressive and I was happy to have a good driver!  Beijing is a place I would never want to drive.

This evening we finished our day with a show put on by Chinese acrobats.  The show lasted an hour and was comprised of several acts, one more amazing than the preceding.  These young people are extremely talented and very strong. 

I am quite tired and ready for bed. We will wake early tomorrow and head to Zhengzhou.  The next day, I FINALLY meet my new son, Evan!!    Stay tuned…. 

We are leaving today for Rhode Island.  I looked at Ben last night and thought, "Our lives are about to completely change."  Yes, we are very excited - and we expect the change to be a very positive one!  Still, I could not help but look back on the past 6 years and feel a bit wistful at the end of an 'era.'  Ben and I have been like peas in a pod since the moment I held him in my arms on June 5th, 2006.  He has not had to share my attention --- and I have not had to share his!  It has been wonderful watching him grow and figuring out this parenting thing.

  Now, we are ready to welcome my new son Evan - he is already my son and Ben's brother.  We talk about him all the time.  We wonder what will he like?  Ben thinks cars - since he liked cars at 6.  We wonder what he will eat??  Ben is a Legendary Picky Eater.  He has eaten the EXACT same thing for lunch for SIX YEARS.  I think there are 12 foods on the planet he likes.   We also wonder how Evan's disposition will be.  Anyone who knows Ben knows I hit the "child lottery" -  best kid ever...never a tantrum, polite, happy every single day.   I've often heard it said that the second child is always the polar opposite of the first.....  Uh oh.  I fear that!

I got word yesterday that Evan is exactly the same size as Ben - height and weight.  Looks like I will have twins!!  I know Ben had been wishing Evan would be a little smaller than him...but Ben is small for his age. I explained it doesn't really matter because he will still be older and know more.  I think as long as Evan is not bigger than Ben, we will be fine!  This will be convenient because they can definitely share clothes :)

I have also wondered how much they have prepared Evan for our arrival.  I sent him a package a while ago with our photo album  and the Chinese characters for Mom, brother, etc.    Yesterday my agency told me that the orphanage said he is very smart, he understands we are coming, and he loves our family photos. I hope he is excited to meet us and not too afraid.  I have always said that I think this process for the child can only be compared to an alien abduction, LOL. 

So, off we go!!  We will arrive in RI on Sunday - then we leave for China June 28th (Thursday).  I will post again once we get settled in Beijing.  So excited!

Welcome!

Hello All,

Welcome to my blog!  This is where we will chronicle our journey to bring Evan home.  I hope you will bookmark our link and come back and share our journey.  When it is daytime here, it is nighttime in China. I hope this will help all of our loved ones share our exitement as we travel to meet my new son, Ben's new brother, Evan. 

(Some of you may remember I had a website for Ben's adoption.  Sadly, that site got wiped out by the company who was hosting it.  That's another story.  However, this is a free site, so I am hoping it won't be mistakenly deleted. I will be sure to copy EVERYTHING this time, just in case.  )

Where are we now?  I started on Evan's adoption in March 2011.  China had re-opened to single parents and I thought, "It's now or never!"   I have my wonderful son Ben, adopted in 2006, who desperately wanted a sibling.  Ben is 9 now.  I gave him a choice, a brother or a sister?  "Definitely a brother!  Girls are too bossy!"  I began looking through the agency lists of "waiting children," and kept going back to one little boy with the sweetest smile.  He was 5, (turned 6 in January).  He reminded me of Ben.  Auntie Anita came to visit and she fell in love with him, also.  SO....the paper work began!

Fast Forward:  It is June 16th and I am in a frenzy trying to prepare to leave Savannah.  We will leave for my Mother's house in RI on June 22nd.  Then, Anita and I will board a plane to China on June 28th.  I will finally meet my new son on July 2nd.  Why don't you all join us for the ride?