The effect of time....

In my early twenties, in a moment of whimsy and idiocy, I got a puppy.  Gigi was a Boston Terrier.  I thought she would be like the sweet, funny, well behaved Boston Terrier I had left with my mother back in Rhode Island.  I made two amateur mistakes: assuming the puppies would have similar personalities, and thinking that somehow with my busy social life and erratic work schedule I could train a puppy to be as well behaved as my mother had.

 I was very wrong on both accounts.  Gigi was Nuts.  If there was doggy-Ritalin, I would have given it to her.  Of course, my schedule did not aid the poor little girl in developing nice behavior or bathroom habits.  I would come home from working all day and find ‘treasures’ she would leave me.  I wanted to sleep after staying out half the night.  Gigi wanted to run outside.  As a compromise, while I tried to sleep, she would dance on my head. 

Shortly into our ill-paired union, I decided that Gigi had to go.  I place an ad in the local paper.  If I were honest, it should have read:  “Superball that sh*ts.”   Instead, I lied.  I claimed I had to move and couldn’t bring the dear, sweet puppy with me.  Free - to a good home.  A woman answered the ad.  She had other Bostons.  I brought Gigi for a visit.  I feigned deep regret that I couldn’t keep the little darling.  The woman didn’t look like a hoarder or a mass murderer, and her animals seemed well cared for.  I gave Gigi a pat on the head and got the heck out of there.  As I drove away, relief washed over me.  I quietly wished the lady luck, and hoped I wouldn’t receive any “come-get-her” phone calls. 

Now, I am not comparing children to dogs directly, but I will admit now that the first weeks with Evan unnerved me.  I had many, “WHAT HAVE I DONE?” moments. I cried.  More than once.  I wistfully looked at pictures of my model-child Ben when he was small.   Remember the story of Adam and Eve? Walking around in Paradise …couldn’t leave well-enough alone ... just had to bite that apple?  That was how I felt; booted out of Paradise, never to return – or so I thought. 

The first day of school has come and gone.  I am posting a picture of the brothers on their first day.  Evan was extremely pleased with his reflection in the crisp white polo and navy blue slacks.  He couldn’t take his eyes off himself while he brushed his teeth.  He looked in the mirror smiling and nodded his head with approval.  Then he turned to me and hugged me tight.

Fast forward. Evan and Ben have just completed their 2nd week of school.  Ben is doing great and loves his new teacher.  He is adjusting to the homework load of 4^th grade.  I am so proud of the way he takes responsibility for his homework and tries his best.  He told me he made a new friend – a boy named Wyatt.

Ben said, “He has longer hair, but not like a Bison.  He doesn’t shed in the summer and grow it thicker in the winter.”  I wonder if Ben has shared this observation with Wyatt. 

Evan’s teacher also reported that Evan has a new friend – and they are trying to get Evan to stop hitting him.   

The past two weeks have been marked by an expected flurry of emails back-and-forth between me and Evan’s teachers.  The unexpected, wonderful part is that Evan’s teachers are reporting remarkable improvements in just two weeks!  I received this email yesterday from the deaf/hard of hearing instructor:

“Did you send the same child to school this week????  I CANNOT believe how much Evan has changed/grown/learned in one week!!!  I introduced 10 brand new signs (basic vocab) last Thursday, then checked to see what he remembered on Tuesday – 10/10.  Introduced 10 new words (more basic vocab) on Wednesday and checked to see what he remembered Thursday 10/10!! His behavior has also improved.  There are still a couple little things we are working on, but a HUGE change from last week.  I am so impressed!  Can’t imagine where he will be a month from now.”

This brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.  I feel as if I am witnessing a miracle in progress.  I have known from the first day that Evan was extremely smart.  But his behavior was atrocious.  And that is the undoing of many smart children (and adults.) 

Evan is still Evan.  He is rambunctious, funny, and loves to annoy Ben.  He still does things that baffle me and remind me he has only been with us for 2 months.  Just yesterday, Ben happened to look behind the couch and gasped, “Mom!!!  LOOK!!!”

Evan had been discarding trash of all sorts – cellophane wrappers from drink straws, a juice box, clementine peels, even a yogurt cup! – over the back of the sofa instead of walking them to the trash can.  I had Evan clean it up, and he signed to me, “Sorry.”  Now we have a ban on eating in the living room. 

I have set up a calendar on the refrigerator with pictures on it representing school/work on the weekdays with an 8:00 p.m. bedtime.  The weekend has pictures of T.V. and a church on Sunday.  Evan tells me every day that he doesn’t want to go to school and points at the T.V.    I tell him every day that he has to go, and Mom has to work.  Evan doesn’t fight it after that, and he seems to like school.  Everyday, he comes home and puts all new work on the refrigerator.  I have set up a folder for him to put his work into when he decides to swap out masterpieces.  I am quite impressed with the quality of Evan’s art work.  I am in my 7^th year of teaching and I have never seen a six year old who can draw like this. Evan draws with rapid, confident strokes which mirror his personality and defy his age.  I am posting pictures of a couple of pieces.

A very dear friend Leo, who passed away many years ago, shared some wisdom with me. It has been applicable so many times in my life I can never forget it – and I still hear it in his voice in my head: 

“Allow for the effect of time, over time.” 

I am in awe of this child.  Evan James Lamb is more than a survivor.  Evan has the ability, cunning and desire to make the absolute most of his environment. It was true in the depraved conditions in Xin Xiang, and it is true in the pristine surroundings of his elementary school.  God and life have big plans for Evan.  How exciting that we all get to watch! 

Ben and Evan on the 1st day of school.  The next 3 are Evan's drawings.  The  level of detail is remarkable at his age - look at the leaves and branches on the tree!  The 2nd a 3rd drawing are the playground at school and our house.  He did both drawings on a rainy day.