Blowing Bubbles

Blowing Bubbles
You can tell a lot about a child by watching him blow bubbles.  Yesterday, I gave the boys bubbles – the kind with the long wand and the tall, test-tube like bottle. 

Ben dips his wand carefully, and withdraws it slowly to preserve the delicate window of soap.  He blows slowly and carefully, producing a number of medium and small size bubbles. Then, Ben laughs with delight as he gently tries to capture one or two on his wand.  He does this repeatedly, with a smile.

Evan, on the other hand, dips his wand with force and swirls the liquid soap in the jar.  Then he pulls his wand out with the flourish of a samurai unsheathing his sword.  Naturally, this results in the soap window popping before he can blow bubbles.  I try to demonstrate the prerequisite skill of dipping your wand, but Evan must do it his way a few more times before he decides I may just know something about this activity.

 Evan then attempts to produce bubbles by blowing with the force needed to extinguish all the candles on a septuagenarian’s birthday cake.  This produces another fail.  He defaults to another method of waving the wand madly back and forth which is at once both dangerous (if you are standing near him) and ineffective – unless you want to count the small lathering of mini-bubbles this produces. 

I try once again to show Evan how to do this – but he won’t hand me his bubbles.  Then, he hands me his bubbles, but not to watch me……Evan has decided that something is obviously wrong with his bubbles, so he is going to take Ben’s away from him.  I block this maneuver and make Evan watch as I blow bubbles from his perfectly-fine wand.  Then, I blow slowly and softly on his hand.  Next, I blow with force and make the sign for “bad.”  A light bulb goes on, and Evan – being Evan – snatches the bubbles back from me and attempts to put his new found knowledge to work, with varying degrees of success.  He is happy and blows bubbles for several minutes.  Till he is bored.  And then he pours his bubbles out on the sidewalk. Deliberately. 

The account above stands as a microcosm of the past several days with Evan.  We have had some fun, too – lunch with my oldest best friend, Carolyn and her Mom yesterday.  Evan truly enjoyed himself especially since we went to a wonderful Chinese restaurant. 

We visited a lovely playground/park with Andrea and her sweet and handsome son Roc.  Ben and Evan ran up and down all the playground equipment and had a blast.  Roc is a little younger (3) and enjoyed the sand box.  A little girl from their library group soon joined the fun.  Evan did mostly well, but requires close-proximity-supervision to make sure he doesn’t push someone or violate other rules of friendly play. 

We visited my grandmother, who was a nurse all of her life but would have rather been a teacher.  She pulled out paper, scissors and glue sticks.  Grandma showed Evan how to make a paper chain.  Evan impressed us all by making a paper mouse complete with tail and ears! 

Our pace seems to be three steps forward, two steps back.  Evan is a quick learner; he is just not convinced he has much to learn.  At times, he is kind to his new brother Ben – and other times he is aggressive and pushes or hits.  Evan has undoubtedly acquired many skills in his years at the orphanage. Very few of these skills are necessary or effective in his new life.  That, understandably, produces frustration for Evan – and for his new Mommy.  

We are taking one day at a time.  Yesterday evening, Evan still had energy to burn so I took him for his first ride on the gorgeous Loof carousel near my mother’s house.  It is a grand display of artistry – the horses are all hand carved with real horse-hair tails.  They are large and move at a fast speed compared to the dinky carousels you are likely to find in most kiddie-land ride parks.  There is a fantastic calliope in the center that produces raucous fair music with moving cherubs blowing trumpets and beating drums.  I marvel each time I visit.  Evan was delighted and picked the biggest and highest horse.  I climbed up into the saddle with him.  Evan’s eyes were wide with excitement and he pumped his fist shouting (something?)  as we made our first ride.  I wondered whom he thought we were going to conquer.  In the intermission between rides, Evan pretended to pick our stallion’s nose …and eat it.  

I know many of my parent-friends are laughing.  You all know how good I’ve had it for the past six years with Ben, a model child.    I find myself thinking back to my own childhood – about the messes, spats, and frustration that 4 very different siblings generated for my mother.  (I am sending her name in for canonization.) 

I have evolved to the point in my life where I understand everything is exactly as it is meant to be.  I’m sure that we will all learn a lot from each other.  In time, I expect Evan will learn new skills that will serve him well in his new life. In the meantime, I plan to do what a wise friend of mine once counseled, “Allow for the effect of time, over time.”   And remember to laugh!

(Below, Evan demonstrates his creation of paper hair - easily affixed with a glue stick.  Mom's dog Sophie models the hair, along with her incredible tolerance, LOL.) 

Bonding, Resilience… and the first Beach Day.

The Evan I met on July 3rd was a surly six-year old.  He would put his hand out in a dismissive, “Talk to the hand” stance and get angry over the smallest things.  I could tell he regarded me as little more than the various women who oversaw his basic needs at the orphanage.  I had to initiate most affection.  In China, I started giving him piggy-back rides as a way, I thought, to foster closeness.  I stopped when it became clear he was taking it as a sign of servitude.  (We visited a museum and Evan would point in the direction he wanted to go. When I didn’t move on his whim, he would attempt to “steer” me, like an animal, turning my shoulders. )

It has been trial and error.  I cannot expect a boy of 6 to instantly appreciate having a Mom and a family when he doesn’t know what that is.   Life was quite different in the orphanage.  Evan bears small, identical scars below both of his shoulders on his chest. I pointed to them and made a “What?” gesture.  Evan held both arms up in right angles, bent at the elbow, palms forward, hands closed, indicating that he was bound somehow.  I have read that it is not uncommon for the children to be bound into bed.  I’m not sure if this is what happened since communication is still an issue.  Still, it breaks my heart to know that whatever they used, it was tight enough to cause scarring.  I wonder if he will carry these marks for the rest of his life.

Evan’s non-verbal explanation was matter of fact.  He did not appear anguished; I’m sure all of the kids were treated the same way.  Evan is becoming an affectionate child.  He clearly adores Ben, and loves to antagonize him – as any good brother would.  He gives me hugs and kisses on a regular basis now and will often choose to curl up beside me on the couch.  Yesterday, we visited my grandmother, Evan’s great grandmother, and he gave her a hug.

Evan, like Ben, adores my mother –Nanei.  We went to take my grandmother’s trash out (you have to go down the elevator and out the front door of the senior building) and Evan thought we were leaving Nanei behind.   He got very upset and kept gesturing back to the apartment.  I tried to explain we were going right back, but he did not understand.  Outside, Evan was just sure we were leaving Nanei.  His chin literally touched his chest and he had a very, very sad face. Evan took baby steps forward.  I had to run and drop the trash and turn him around to go back upstairs before he understood we were going back.  When we got back on the elevator, Evan broke into the biggest smile!!  We were taking Nanei with us! 

Both of my sons fill me with awe.  Both boys were plucked from the only life they knew and dumped into a totally new environment.  I know I could not adapt so well.  As I watch Evan become a loving member of our family, I am also seeing the 6 year-old in him emerge.  Lately, he laughs more than he gets angry.  He loves me to kiss his “boo-boo’s.”  We have discovered he is quite smitten with Snow White. 

Today, Evan will meet his cousins, Jake and Sophie, and my sister – Aunt Peggy.  We are taking Evan to the beach.  He found the pails and shovels on my mother’s indoor porch and is so excited about digging in the sand.  It is going to be a really fun day!

The Cousins….
arrived around 1:00 and we quickly got acquainted and loaded the beach gear into Aunt Peggy’s vehicle.  Off to Newport…… 

As soon as we hit the sand, Evan and Ben started digging.  Although I am certain this is Evan’s first beach visit, my new son has undoubtedly watched a lot of TV.  He packed sand in a bucket and turned it over.  Evan was delighted that the form held.  Ben was busy digging a hole and exclaimed, “I’ve found water!”  This, of course, got Evan more interested in digging holes that building anything else.  As Ben was examining his mini-pond for microscopic life forms, Evan was hastily digging holes. I kept instructing him to not fling the sand over his shoulder, but to turn the shovel over and deposit the dirt next to him.  Evan didn’t seem to think this was an important detail – that is, until two large guys were walking past him and he flung a shovel-full of sand all over them.  They looked down, angry….Evan looked up...uh, oh…. We all held our breath for a second….The young men decided Evan was just a small-fry and Evan decided to stop flinging sand over his back.  A collective exhale. 

The boys decided it was time to hit the water.  After seeing Evan in action at Kim’s pool, I knew I would have to be on his heels.  Cousins’ Jake and Sophie were sweet and allowed the boys to play with a boogie board.  Evan and Ben kept trying to ride one together, seated one behind the other, in the shallow surf.  Naturally, they sunk to the mud and didn’t go anywhere.  Evan decided they needed some help, so he fetched a long red shovel and stood on the back of the board holding the shovel like a paddle.  (Now, I wish I had pictures of all of this, but my camera was back at the chairs and I have to be ready to catch Evan at all times in the water!)   The paddling-idea didn’t help them move, either.  Eventually, they swiped their cousins’ second boogie board and both Ben and Evan got busy trying to ride the waves.  Ben was quickly riding the smaller waves into the shore.  I had to pluck Evan out of the water several times before he figured out he had to lay down flat on the board. 
The rest of the day was great fun.  Cousin Jake meticulously built a wall using one of the sand molds.  Sophie and Jake enjoyed the deeper water and waves.  Ben searched the surf for life forms like the little scientist he is.  At one point, Ben found a small fish that had been bit in half but was still moving.  He ran up to show Nanei and his cousins.  Evan, in an effort to give Ben the full-flavor of having a sibling, snatched it out of his hands, ran to the surf, and threw it back in…much to Ben’s annoyance. 

We finished the day with pizza back at Nanei’s house.  Apparently, Evan took a shine to cousin Sophie because we peeked in the living room to find him with his arm around her shoulder watching cartoons.  (I think Evan’s teacher is going to have me on speed-dial next year.)  I managed to snap a few pictures of the day...enjoy:) 

Fearless Evan’s First Swimming Pool Adventure!

Ben’s first time in a pool was typical.  At 3 ½, he clung to me, unsure of the logistics of playing in water.  It took a season for me to get Ben off my hip and into an inflatable tube. 

While in China, we stayed in hotels with nice pools.  The temperatures were sweltering, but we did not venture near a pool.  In fact, I made sure Evan didn’t know they were there! I am not much of a swimmer, and my new son wasn’t much for following instructions.  I could just envision my little man running for the deep end and… you can imagine the rest.  In Guangzhou, the pool was on the rooftop.  Another family told me the views were amazing.  I took their word for it.  Who knew if Evan might want to try flying in addition to diving? 

Yesterday we went to a friend’s house for an informal reunion of some of my high school classmates.  Kim has a lovely home in Woonsocket with a swimming pool.  This would be a double-debut for Evan – first time meeting friends, and first time in a pool.  Was I nervous?  You betchya.   We pulled up into the driveway and before Ben and I could get out of the car, Evan was walking up the walkway.  Evan has no qualms. (Honey-badger don’t care.)   From day one, this child has walked into every situation without hesitation.  My sister Anita noted in China that he has “swagger.”   

There were already a couple of kids in the pool.  Evan was ready.  I got the boys changed into their suits and somehow the ladies kept Evan from jumping in while I changed into mine.  Then it was, “Game on!”  As I suspected, and feared, Evan launched full throttle into the pool.  It was clearly his first time, but though he didn’t have “sea legs” – that was no deterrent.

 Evan was in an out of every floating tube…head and arms through…maybe I can float with my legs through, too?  How about that tube? What about a noodle?  Wait…my feet touch the floor and if I bounce I can keep my face out of the water… Those kids are playing ball…can I get the ball? Can I tackle my brother? I think I will splash that little girl.  Wait, she’s kind of cute! Whoa – that kid just jumped into the pool from the side.  I want to do that!   Let go, Mom!  Ok, catch me! Now I’m going to do it again.  And Again.  And Again.  Geez, I’m swallowing a lot of water.  That kid blocked his nose…ok, I’m going to try that.  I put my hand over my nose and mouth…then I let go to make my jump!  hmmmm…that wasn’t very effective.  Oooh…look at that noodle!  Look at me, Mom, I’m a Samurai warrior!  (waving noodle overhead in Samurai fashion and screaming as he jumps into the pool!)  That was fun, I’ll do that 5 or 6 more times.  Why does my Mom look so tired? Wow!  That girl swims under the water!  I will cover my face and hold my breath and give it a try…

I kid you not, I thought, “This kid is going to teach himself how to swim before the day is up.”  To give you an indication of how much fun he was having, I asked him if he wanted to eat twice, and Evan said, “No.”  Finally, he agreed to get something to eat.  Evan downed a big cheeseburger. And noodles, and cous cous, and fruit, and a few other things. Then he had a cupcake from Patticakes  (my best friend’s gourmet cupcakery here in RI) and a slice of chocolate cake. 

Ben, in the meantime, was having a ball playing in the pool with his favorite girl, Morgan – Patti’s daughter (of the Patticakes bakery) – and the other kids.  Ben wasn’t interested in eating, but did come out and have a cupcake eventually.  

I signed to Evan that the sun was going down and it was time to get dressed.  He was okay with that, although Ben protested for more pool time.  I explained that it would get cooler  and the mosquitos would be coming out.  (That is always a way to get Ben motivated to come in!) 

Then, my Bay View sisters, wonderful ladies that they are, were not going to let Evan (or Ben) go home empty handed.  They presented the boys with Welcome Home gifts – a few small toys and some great materials for learning and keeping-busy-while-travelling.  I was deeply touched at their thoughtfulness, (and glad they remembered we are travelling and so kept it small!)       Evan passed out in the car on the way home, and Ben entertained me with jokes from his new joke book:  “What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?” 

JURASSIC PORK!!
This was a real knee-slapper!!!  LOL!!! 

Thank you, Kim, and my BV sisters, for making Evan feel so welcome and hosting such a wonderful time.  It is always heartwarming to see these ladies, see their growing families, laugh together and celebrate our ever changing – and blessed – lives together.

Copernican Revolution and a Nickname

So, how does a boy who has spent most of his life in an orphanage adjust to family life?  After spending the past two weeks with my new son, I am quite sure he did whatever he felt like doing at the orphanage, much of the time.   This is not to say that he was neglected.  Evan knows his numbers and can write his name in Chinese characters.  Someone obviously spent time with him.

 If I had to imagine the typical scenario, I would think that Evan would attempt to do something --- someone tells him, “No,” --and then he just waits till they are busy with the 169 other children and Evan would do what he wanted.   This system worked perfectly well right up until July 2, 2012.  As you can imagine, this leaves Evan disgruntled at times.  LOL.  This has also earned him a nick-name, first bestowed by my sister, Anita, but now it is used family-wide:  Lemon Drop.  Or, as I like to call my boys, “Sweet and Sour.” 

Fortunately for Evan, his new Momma has special, on-the-job training.  I have run into a few (ahem) challenging personalities in the past 6 years in the class room and his little sour-puss does not phase me.  Happily, I can report I am seeing less and less of it.  Still, the most common phrase in our house right now is, “No, Evan!” 

Evan is doing better every day.  He is rather thoughtful where Ben is concerned.  If he comes into the kitchen to get something, he asks for one for Ben, too.  Ben might wish Evan thought of him a little less this morning, though.  Evan couldn’t wait for Ben to get up.  When Nanei and I were busy taking trash out, Evan ran upstairs and tried to wake Ben as only a brother could … Nanei found him bopping poor Ben in the head with a pillow in an attempt to wake him! 

Not much to report right now…I took Ben and Evan to the Laundromat and they were well behaved.  We walked over to the market while the clothes were drying and I put both boys in one of those buggies with a car attached to the front. (Whoever invented those should be given a medal!!)  They were ultra cute sitting behind the steering wheels enjoying the ride.  We ran into an old friend and neighbor (Hi, Wayne Flodin!) who instantly recognized the boys from Facebook and our blog here.   

Today, we are looking forward to an informal high school class reunion at Kim Mowbray’s where Ben and Evan will get to play in the pool if the weather holds out.  I will post pictures from that tomorrow.  For now, here are a few pics of the boys in their first days together.   Evan is quite the ham and likes to pose for the camera.  Ben insisted I cut his hair short so he could, "look like my brother!" 

First Day Home - and Other China Tales....

A tale of two brothers…
Our flight finally arrived in Providence after a 3 hour delay at about 3 a.m.   Auntie Anita picked us up at the airport and we phoned ahead to my Mom’s house to wake the welcoming committee.   
When we walked in, there was a great amount of curiosity and Ben and Evan gave each other a hug.  They had “met” via Skype, and Evan seemed very happy to finally see another child.  They quickly started to show each other toys and play together while the adults chatted. 
I thought we might eventually get back to bed, but the sun gradually rose and the boys were too busy playing to care about missed sleep.  I tried to consume enough coffee to shock my body into staying awake to supervise and referee if necessary.
Overall, things went pretty well.  Evan can be willful, and I was worried he would come in and run right over Ben.  I also feared for my mother’s old dog, Sophie.  In both cases, Evan surprised me by being very sweet to Ben and he loves Sophie!    Ben seemed to have more trouble adjusting than I anticipated.  His anxiety grew threw the day and he was a little unsure of how the new arrival affects his position in the family.  I tried to reassure him, but I think overall he was just over-tired.   
In the late afternoon, we took the boys to Davenports for early dinner with Aunt Anita.   They both passed out at the table (see picture!) and my mother worried someone would wonder what we were dosing their milks with , LOL.   Evan and I slept some more in the evening and then we all went to bed. 
We are now starting our second day together.  Evan woke up quite early and hungry since he slept through most meals yesterday.  He was very eager to wake up Ben, but I held him off until 8 a.m. since I knew Ben needed sleep.  The boys are watching Scooby Doo together and having breakfast.  Ben seems happier today and I think he will start to enjoy having a companion more today.     


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Other China stories….
There are many things we have experienced on this trip that I elected to not include in our daily blog.  However, I feel compelled to write about them so as not to forget in the future, and also to “flesh out” the impression of China for anyone who is following our journey. 

I have become convinced that the reason the Chinese people live a long time is not because of their excellent diet which is rich in fruits and vegetables - but because they must have developed iron-clad immune systems from a lifetime of living in visible air pollution in crowded conditions.  Americans and Chinese do not share a common understanding of personal space or cleanliness.   As I was raised in a germo-phobic household, this leaves you with the constant feeling of recoiling.  In Beijing, we had a taxi driver who cleared his throat and spit out the window every time the traffic slowed. Anita and I shuddered and giggled behind our recently bought paper fans in the back seat.  Another spitting note – Anita was in the gym upstairs in the Holiday Inn in Zhengzhou on a treadmill.  A man on another treadmill loudly cleared his throat and then SPIT ON THE FLOOR.  I mean, what the hell?????  LMAO!!  

And the Turkish-style potties – which for those of you that are uninitiated means a literal hole in the floor with two porcelain foot plates on either side.  Now, these are always quite filthy and no one seems to be able to aim their stream right 100% of the time – so you can imagine the smell!  Now, picture the logistics of pulling your drawers down low enough to not soil yourself and somehow not letting them touch the nastiness at your feet….. uggggghhhhh!  Anita and I have decided to stick close to the hotel and our Western potty, thankyouverymuch.

On to other topics…
The traffic is insane here.  Granted, Beijing and Zhengzhou are large cities.  The main roads are 3-4 lanes going in each direction.  This does not include the traffic that is allowed to DRIVE ON THE SIDEWALK, lol. (in Zhengzhou) Yep.  There is a steady stream of motor scooters and bicyclists down the sidewalk all day long.  If you are walking, you must walk far to the side.  Amazingly, no one seems to crash.  As a foreign pedestrian, it feels constantly precarious to me, but the Chinese understand it and go about their business.  I know I could never drive here.

The countryside –
Anita and I had the unique experience of taking a train from Beijing to Guangzhou.  Outside of the large cities, China has miles and miles of open field, dirt fields, and brick and stone structures in varying stages of decay.  We saw whole clusters of buildings that had either fallen down or been partially deconstructed.  I wondered if these were remnants of the earthquakes.  Other places just had piles of stone bricks randomly interspersed on sidewalks and in between buildings.  Despite the conditions, it was apparent that people lived in many of these places. 

Poverty –
 China boasts some modern cities where wealth is apparent  and the architecture is some of the  most creative I have ever seen.  However, many in China are quite poor.  China does not provide much in the way of social services and so the poor resort to begging and scavenging.   In the train station in Zhengzhou, Anita and I watched as an elderly man made his way through a crowded line waiting at one of the train gates.  He didn’t walk or hold up a sign.  This old man crawled, on his hands and knees on the filthy floor, with no shirt on and prostrated himself, forehead to the floor, hands and arms outstretched, grunting – he was perhaps a deaf/mute – he seemed to have no speech -  in front of groups of travelers who threw money on the floor in front of him or simply chose to ignore him.  I will live with that image for the rest of my life. 

There are orphanages in every city in China.  I asked my guide if Evan’s orphanage was the only one near Zhengzhou.  She said, “No, there are 18 cities in Henan province, so 18 orphanages.”  I know there are 170 children at Evan’s orphanage.  If there are that many in each city, that comes to more than 3,000 children in orphanages in the Henan province alone.  Yet it takes 2 – 5 years to navigate the adoption process.  Evan came with a photo album of his friends in the orphanage.  Many children there are special needs.  What will happen to them when they age-out and are sent forth in the world?? What would have happened to Ben and Evan?    I shudder to think. 

News…
Stories in the China Daily newspaper:  (you won’t find this at home!)
6 died in an accident when a motorized tricycle carrying 7 passengers collided with a truck at 3:40 a.m.
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Beijing train stations to offer spare “loaner” slippers (flip flops, basically) to women who lose their slippers in the busy train carriages. 
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Speaking of trains … Several passengers got angry when a train experienced delays due to rain and the train employees refused to open the train windows.  It was so hot men were taking their shirts off and children were vomiting.  They beat the train conductor, who decided to endure the beating without calling the police because he understood why the passengers were angry.
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According to new provincial regulation to ensure public safety, bus drivers in Henan province who are in a bad mood can enjoy special leave.  The provincial government has granted a “sentimental vacation” for drivers in a bad mood because they will not concentrate on their driving.
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173 sheep died when lightning hit in a mountainous region.  The 18 year old shepherd explained, “My father was away tending the horses. The storm was very bad.  I was afraid and hid in my yurt.  There was a flash of light and I heard the sheep scream.  Then they were silent. I came out and they were all dead.”
His father lamented that he left his son to watch the sheep, but admitted there was not much that could have been done to save them.  “When I arrived there was the smell of burning meat.  We took the skins and buried the sheep.” 
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There were so many moments on this trip that made us laugh or shake our heads – what an experience.  Like the U.S., there are places in China that are lovely to visit, and places that are not.  China has thousands of years of history.  A word that you will see often in China is “Harmony.”   The people value harmony in themselves to maintain health, in their families, and as citizens of their country.  More than one person asked why the United States politicians wanted to promote China as a threat/and or competition.  They don’t see things from that perspective at all.  One gentleman in Hong Kong observed that China helps Americans to have a better quality of life by providing affordable goods.  It is true, if everything was manufactured by American workers earning our wages, many of us would not be able to afford to buy the material comforts we have become accustomed to.   It was interesting to read foreign newspapers and discuss world events with people who have a completely different perspective.  Americans would benefit from making this a regular habit.   I do have to say, there is no place like “home,”  and I am very happy be back!

Honk Kong Edition

I am sitting here in the still of the morning literally perched on the generous window “sill” if you can call it that – it is wide enough to accommodate me.  The windows are almost floor to ceiling, wall to wall.  I am fighting back tears.  This is the Novotel Hotel Citygate in Hong Kong where we arrived after midnight.  This is one of the most gorgeous hotel rooms I have ever had the pleasure of staying in.  The bed is like a cloud.  The room is modern and stylish.  There is a big screen TV.   Evan’s mouth literally dropped open when we walked in. 
Back to the window…. The view is breathtaking!!!  There is water to my left and center…there are lush, green mountains to my right.  I am watching the sun rise over both the mountains and the water at the same time.  Below me is a view of the gorgeous swimming pool and what looks like a kiddie pool.  There is a fountain that turns into a waterfall over what looks like stacked steps of black slate and granite stretching the length of the pool.  Every second with the sun’s ascent, the view grows more beautiful.
So why the tears?
We are not staying here past breakfast.  It’s going to break Evan’s heart.  I know it has broken mine.  This must be what it feels like when people have near death experiences and get a glimpse of heaven only to be yanked back to reality.  I would cross the oceans again just to stay here, just to sit in this window.  Alas….
A few more notes about Hong Kong – the airport is nice and well organized.  The restrooms were clean and had Western potties – all of them!  At least I didn’t see any “squatties.”  The people here seem very helpful and speak English quite well.  (Yes, I am aware of the Great Britain connection.)  The cab driver sits on the ‘wrong side’ of the cab and drives down the ‘wrong side’ of the street!  Hong Kong uses it’s own currency.  I had a moment of freaking out when I couldn’t get an ATM to process my card so I could get cab fare.  Finally, another ATM worked for me and I got some Hong Kong dollars.
Well, I must jump in the shower before Evan awakes.  He is stirring a bit now.  Oops, there are his little eyes, open!  Probably a good thing.  We have to leave this beautiful place.  Boy, is he going to be pissed.  LOL. 

Post Script…
Evan was pissed.  He had to say goodbye to that TV before it even got warm.  We have now crossed the globe.   The 14 hour plane ride was not fun.   I am dead-tired.  We are in Chicago and our plane doesn’t leave until 9.  I just checked us into the nearby Country Inn and Suites for the afternoon.  Evan, now so accustomed to the luxury of the Novatel, put both hands out in the universal sign for “this sucks” and made a face when we walked into our very modest hotel room. LOL.  At least there is a TV.    Below are pics from our window in HK.  The first picture is the last one in Guangzhou.  enjoy :)

Waiting….

….to leave China.  Evan and I will board a plane this evening about 10:20 p.m..  We are making a quick leap to Hong Kong, where we will have to spend the night in a hotel.  The next day (Sunday) we will leave HK about 11:30 a.m. local time.

This morning Evan and I went to breakfast and then took a walk.  Evan’s favorite thing to do is to visit the 7/11 across from the hotel and pick out snacks for the day.  Gum, seaweed, and Cup-o-noodles always top his list.  Honestly, the seaweed affinity freaks me out a bit --- it really smells like Narragansett Bay on a bad day!  But, when we leave this place it will be a rare treat, so I hold my nose and let him indulge. 

After 7/11, we walked along an interior street here which has a median down the center designed to permit many forms of exercise.  There is an oval running track with a soft surface to minimize impact.  To the side of the track, there are basic exercise machines made with heavy metal (more like playground equipment than home exercise machines) to withstand frequent use.  In the early morning, these areas are used by many young and old.  On the side streets, there are many people enjoying morning games of badminton.  What is remarkable is the multitude of senior citizens who are outside every morning engaging in physical exercise.  Our walk takes us over to the walkway along the Pearl River which is a gathering place for many different activities.  Yesterday, we saw a senior citizen group enjoying some sort of public sing-a-long led by a woman with the songs on large chart paper.  This morning, the walkway is lined with seniors practicing Tai-Chi.   They are focused and graceful, sometimes alone, some in groups.  It was a beautiful morning with a nice breeze coming off the river. 

We walked back to the hotel and we are basically just hanging out until our leave time.  As with any tourist place, you cannot walk out of the door without spending money, lol. I am trying to limit that.   Evan must think he has been adopted by an heiress.  We have stayed in nice hotels and we start every morning at an elaborate breakfast buffet.  Evan measured just under the line that made him “free” and I’m sure they regret that every time they see what he consumes in the morning.  I am sure after we leave, they will move the mark down an inch!   Evan will be in for a few surprises in the States when he figures out that he is not the next Emperor, LOL. 

This is likely to be my last post until we arrive home.  I may or may not have time to post in HK.  Pray for us that our trip is uneventful.  As much as Evan liked his first plane ride, I am sure he will be mighty tired of air travel by the time we land in Chicago.  (And we have a looong layover before the Providence flight!!)  My little lemon-drop is not known for his patience J  

Here are some museum pictures especially for Ben! Mommy misses you so much and can't wait to get home to see you. The stadium was built for the 2010 Olympic games.

Consulate Visit and Museum

Consulate visit and Museum

Today was the big day!  We went to the U.S. Consulate to apply for Evan’s visa to come home.  Evan cannot appreciate what this will mean for his life.  As you can see from the photo, he is rather unimpressed, lol.  Helen  (my wonderful guide here) and I tried to get him to smile, but Evan wasn’t going to humor Mommy this morning.  I have figured out that three things get an instant smile from Evan: food, drink, and T.V.  How is that for a typical male? 

In the Consulate’s Office, we reconvened with several families who we met in Zhengzhou who were also finalizing their adoptions.  It was great to see them again and the babies looked so much better! It is amazing what one week of love, nutrition and stimulation will do for a child.  Evan was also very happy to see them again.  He walked around waving at everyone with a big smile on his face.  Several of the parents commented to me that Evan had made huge improvements since Zhengzhou.  Reflecting back to our last visit to the Civil Affairs Office where he terrorized the toddlers in the play room while I tried to sign papers, I had to agree!  Evan was MUCH calmer and he was careful not to knock over the little children. 

The appointment was very quick and easy.   An American woman gave a group talk to all of us explaining what to expect.  It was comforting to hear several minutes of English spoken.  I have to say this trip has been a reminder to me of how difficult it must be to not speak English and try to make it in the U.S.    I can totally understand why immigrants to our country surround themselves with people like themselves and enjoy speaking their own language.  It is hard work to try to make yourself understood for the most basic needs and communications.  (The experience also gives me an added sensitivity to Evan’s situation.  He is picking up signs daily, and our communication is improving – but of course he grows frustrated at times.)

All the parents had to stand and take an oath for our children.  Then we were called up one by one to sign some papers.  Then we were done! 

After the Consulate, our guide took us to Guandong Museum.  It had many wonderful exhibits that we could not fully take in because Evan was being a grouch. He didn’t want to walk around the museum and kept stonewalling.  I know people were looking at me wondering, “What is this American woman doing trying to drag this Chinese boy around?”  I was waiting for someone to accuse me of trying to abduct him.  Thankfully, Helen’s presence seemed to assure onlookers that I wasn’t some crazy lady who stole a boy so I could force him to have cultural enrichment at the museum.  Evan was mostly impressed with the snack and drink vending, LOL.  Some day, when the boys are older, I will bring them back to China and we will revisit the museum.  I did take some pictures of dinosaur fossils for Benjamin!  I know he would have LOVED this part of the museum. 

Back at the hotel, we got some snacks at 7/11, which Evan thinks is the best thing in the world.  I let him pick out 3 or 4 snacks and a drink.  Then we go watch some “Pleasant Goat and the Big, Big Wolf,” which is apparently the hottest children’s cartoon in China.  Evan doesn’t like the super sweet stuff.  He loves gum and cannot open a pack without chewing every piece.  The other snack he favors is SEAWEED.  God, it smells awful, lol.  It reminds me of the summers at my Mom’s on Sabin’s Point when the seaweed would wash up on the shore and the stench would permeate the stagnant summer air.  But Evan LOVES the stuff.  It comes in pressed sticks in little cellophane wrappers.  There are several snack-packs in one main package, and he eats every one of them in one sitting.  Like it’s going out of style.  I just don’t get it.  But it is supposed to be healthy, I guess. 

 After snacks and TV, Evan and I went up to the play room.  No one but us seems to go there.  Evan has a blast and seems to find new ways to play with the same toys every time we go. 

We had dinner at Subway, which he enjoyed.  It was next to a convenience/sundry shop and I bought Evan some ice cream afterward.  On the walk back to the hotel, Evan dropped his ice cream on the ground.  He looked at me as if to say, “Can I have it??”  I made the sign for, “Dirty!” and threw it in a trash can.  Evan’s eyes welled up with tears.  I quickly signed Mama will buy another ice cream and I got a BIG smile and he even blew me a kiss!  We have come a loooong way.  In general, I am getting a lot more hugs and kisses now and he is really starting to understand that the signs are a standard form of communication.  We bought another ice cream and went back to our room to relax and Skype with Nanei and Ben.  They are doing well, but I can tell Ben is really missing me as much as I am missing him.  We have one more full day in Guangzhou, then we leave for Hong Kong on Saturday.  We have an overnight layover in HK, and then we leave for Chicago on Sunday.  I am very ready to come home!

Yesterday the Zoo, today the Consulate!

Yesterday the Zoo, today the Consulate!

Yesterday, Evan passed his TB test with flying colors.  If he had not passed, he would have had to have a chest x-ray.  Sometimes the tests can yield a false positive, so I am glad there was no reaction at all.  The guide explained that she has only seen one child test positive for TB and that child had to remain in China for 6 months for treatment.  This meant the parents had to go and then return.  Yikes!   That had to be devastating!

After the doctor, we went to the zoo.  Another family here just adopted a 2 year old little girl and they are using the same guide, so we all went together.  It was very hot, and Evan is from more northern regions, so he is unaccustomed to the extreme heat. (I guess he is going to have to adjust to GA, then!)   Still, he did very well and walked through most without complaining.  At the end, I gave him a piggy back ride. 

We did not see the entire zoo, but we saw tigers, pandas and brown bears.  We also saw an elephant, peacocks, and camels.  I am happy to report that the zoo was well kept and the areas the animals lived in were similar to what we have at home.  After the zoo, Evan and I relaxed at the hotel and spent some time in the play room.

TODAY is a big day!  We go to the U.S. Consulate to get Evan’s visa to come home finally.  Tomorrow we will pick up paperwork that results from this visit, and then the next day we fly!    I have to admit I am very homesick.  We Skype with my Mom and Ben every night, but I miss them soooo much.  I miss my Benjamin more than I can say.  I am going to hug the stuffing out of him when I see him!  Though Evan is improving every day, I think when we come together as a family it is going to take time for him to adjust. Ben is so calm and agreeable; I know Evan is going to try to get his way about everything.  (I know my sister Peg is laughing right now! LOL.)    Oh well.  Thankfully it is summer break and we will have time to work out the “bumps” prior to returning to a full routine.   

More later ….we may go to a museum later that Kim Garafano Mowbray recommended. 

I miss you all! 

Calm day and the Orient Express

Calm day and the Orient Express

We kept things simple yesterday since it was my first day without my sister’s company.  Evan and I enjoyed the breakfast buffet and then we watched cartoons for a while.  To break up the morning, I took Evan to the third floor where there is a playroom and table tennis.  Evan gave table tennis a good effort, but had trouble hitting the ball.  It was good to see that he didn’t get angry or frustrated, but gave it a good try for a while.  Eventually, he just lost interest and went on to other things in the play room. 

We took a walk at lunch time and went to pick up our laundry at Michael’s, which is a souvenir shop/laundry service.  You can’t throw a stone without hitting shops just like this all over Shamian Island.   Our guide recommended Michael’s and the family who runs it is very friendly and speaks good conversational English.   I paid for the laundry and also bought an extra suitcase.  The shops here sell very reasonable suitcases I’m sure hoping that you will fill them with souvenirs to bring home!  Our funds are limited, naturally, but I want to check almost all of our belongings for the return flight since I will have to keep up with Evan in the airport.

We went to lunch at Lucy’s.  For the first time, Evan turned his nose up at food!  I actually consider this a good thing since he is starting to display a more normal appetite.  During our first few days together he ate more than Anita and I combined.  If Evan’s eyes were open, his mouth was, too, like a ravenous Pterodactyl baby!  (That reference is for Ben!  Mommy misses you sooo much!)    Evan didn’t eat his lunch, but he enjoyed the ice cream that came afterwards.  Then we walked with our new suitcase, filled with clean laundry, back to the hotel.

I had Evan take a nap –( which I would pay for later since he was not sleepy at bedtime.)  For dinner, we walked down the street to a “French” restaurant called the Orient Express. It is in an old train car that is nicely appointed inside with ornate draperies and cloth tablecloths.  The proprietor is a French gentleman who said hello to us.  I would have liked to find out how he ended up here, but there was no opportunity for conversation.  Evan seemed to like the décor and I took some photos there.  The outside area was decorated for a wedding.  When we left, we walked along the sidewalk and peered in to see a young couple in the midst of getting married right there on restaurant grounds.  Evan wanted to see, too, so I lifted him up to look over the gate.  Evan was quite impressed and unfortunately started to “call” out to the wedding party.  I yanked him down and we beat a hasty retreat! 

Back in the room, Evan watched TV for a while and then really had trouble going to sleep.  I know I should not have let him nap as long as he did.  There is a door in our room that leads to another door and the next room.  Apparently, this concerns Evan quite a bit because he pointed at the door and made the universal sign for “Monster!”  (He put his hands up like claws and made a ‘scary’ face, lol.)   I assured him Mommy would punch the monsters and it was ok to go to sleep.  Still, he wanted some of the lights on.  Finally, he went to sleep.

Today we return to the medical office so the doctor can read Evan’s TB test.  Thankfully, I don’t see any sign of a reaction on his arm, so it should be a non-event.  Afterward, our guide is taking us to the zoo.  Another family who adopted a 2 year old girl should be joining us.  It should be a good day and I will take a lot of pictures.

Escape to Guangzhou

I know you are all waiting for more Tales of Evan, but I must write about our experience in the Zhengzhou airport for a bit, if only to debrief and try to short-circuit the onset of a sure case of PTSD. 

Yesterday morning, we awoke eagerly anticipating our departure.  Frankly, we did not enjoy Zhengzhou – it is, I’m sure, the “Detroit” of China – and that might not be fair to Detroit.    We were packed and ready when the guide arrived to take us to the airport.  I was a bit anxious about Evan’s first plane ride, but otherwise felt it would be a good day.   Irony awaited us. LOL.

Our guide brought us into the airport and helped us get our boarding passes.  Then, she brought us to security which is where she had to say goodbye.  We went through the airport security and I looked down at our boarding passes.  It was then that I realized there was no gate listed.  And our guide was gone. And no one spoke much English, at all.  You know those helpful television monitors that list flights and numbers and gates in airports all over the U.S.?  There weren’t any of those, either. 

We attempted to ask someone at a gate to help us, and they directed us to an “Information Counter.”  The airport was terribly crowded and noisy, but as we approached we could hear yelling.  The Information Counter was lined with people 4 and 5 deep, all holding out their boarding passes and yelling at the 3 employees behind the counter.  As they checked each person’s boarding pass, they pointed to a gate number handwritten on a chalkboard propped up on a chair.    We realized we would have to join the mob to get any attention, so Anita waited outside the fray with Evan while I pressed in and waved my boarding pass.  When I finally got someone’s attention, she looked at the flight number and said, “No gate.” 

“What?????”    

“No gate.” 

“What do you mean, ‘No gate?’ 

“No time.”

“No time?????? When does this plane leave?  Is it flying today? Where should I wait?”

“Wait here.” 

OK.  No gate.  No time.  Wait here.   I had a sinking feeling that we were in for a lengthy stay and no one could give me any information.  I approached a young man in a nearby line who looked like he might speak English.  He suggested I go into the First Class Lounge and try to get some information.  He informed me that flights to and from Guangzhou were delayed due to rain and fog.  I went to the First Class Lounge and they called someone on a phone to explain to me in some English that the plane was just leaving Guangzhou now and would be about 2 hours.  I wasn’t thrilled, but at least I had some information. 

Anita, Evan and I decided to try a Chinese restaurant in the terminal.  It was quite crowded, but we found an open table near the doorway.  I pointed to an item on the menu.  The waitress said, “No. We don’t have that.” 

“Ok, how about this?”

“No.”

“What about that?”

This time she pointed to every item in the section and said, “No, no, no.” 

I pointed to some ice cream.

“No.” 

 Now she pointed to the first three menu items.  “Yes, yes and yes.  That’s all.”

I ordered some noodles for Evan. Anita and I had a Coca Cola and ate pumpkin seeds we had bought for the plane.  We were feeling a bit shell shocked and we were not in any hurry to dive into the sea of angry people to get more information about our plane.  We were trying to not eat and drink much because the restrooms we’ve encountered along the way leave you with a constant feeling of revulsion, like you should have packed your hazmat suit. Some things are just unavoidable.  In this case, the restroom came to us right there in the restaurant.  I glanced over to the doorway and saw a very cute Chinese toddler in a squatting position.  She was oblivious to the people dashing up and down the corridor with their rolling bags as she proceeded to take a healthy dump right there in the entryway.  Her dutiful father looked on and waited for her to finish.  She moved over to another spot and released a puddle of pee.  Then, a small sidestep over so she could squeeze out the last lump.  Yep.  I was pretty happy I wasn’t eating.  The dad called the mother over and she took out some tissue and picked up the feces.  The puddle remained.  The family left. 

Anita and I looked at each other and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  We waited for Evan to finish his noodles and started to walk back to the No-Information Counter.  Anita this time offered to go to the counter.  I waited with Evan and watched, certain she would return frustrated.  Amazingly, this time the man wrote something down on her ticket.  A gate number!! 

We walked to Gate 12 and waited approximately 45 more minutes.  Finally, it was time to board the plane.  Evan was extremely excited for his first plane ride.  He enjoyed looking out the window and generally did quite well.  In Baggage Claim, he enjoyed riding on the cart with the luggage.  Our new guide Helen met us there and we were pleased to discover she speaks excellent English.

  Guangzhou is very different from Zhengzhou.  There are no scooters whizzing down the sidewalks, the sky is blue, and our hotel has WIFI and an extra clean-water faucet so we don’t have to stock bottled water to brush our teeth.  The city is much cleaner, more people seem to speak some English here, and there are Western-style options in the restrooms.   This is a city on an island that is accustomed to hosting tourists. 

Our day today (Monday) started with a trip to the doctor so that Evan could have his official medical exam.  Evan cooperated nicely with the doctor and didn’t even cry when they administered his TB test.  His vision is exceptionally sharp.  We will have to return in two days to let the doctors read the results of his TB test and then we also have a visit to the consulate to get Evan’s visa. 

We spent the afternoon touring a very nice Folk Art Museum.  I had visited this museum on my trip to adopt Benjamin and I wanted Anita to see it.  There are amazing carvings with details so intricate it is difficult to believe anyone has this much patience.   We saw a variety of artwork including painting, embroidery and sculpture.  The building itself is a work of art with hundreds of figurines carved on the rooftop and ornate details everywhere you look. 

Overall Evan is doing well.  He and Ben are quite opposite, as most siblings are.  Right now, I am listening to him giggling and laughing at cartoons. Sometimes he is very sweet and affectionate and he is giving me more hugs now.   He can also be quite sour at times and gets angry at me whenever I want him to do something he doesn’t want to.  When he is mad, he waves his hands and “yells” at me and pouts a great deal.  My own mother is quite amused at this since I was the tantrum-thrower in our family and I am sure she wished this on me at least once or twice. J 

Tomorrow morning Anita leaves for London, and then the States.   I am so grateful she was able to make this trip with me.  It will be Evan and I from here on out.  Wish me luck!  We will be here until Saturday when we take the loooong flight home.  More updates soon!

Highs and Lows and Overload!

Highs and Lows and Overload!

Yesterday I didn’t write because, frankly, I was exhausted and a bit discouraged.  We went to a large shopping mall and in retrospect, it was just too much stimulus for Evan.  He was excited at first since I bought a few items for him.  But when we went to women’s clothing, he realized there was nothing there for him and had a meltdown.  He was quite angry and exhausted himself to the point that he fell asleep once we got back to the hotel.   I should have realized that he would not understand the process and that it just wasn’t a good activity at this point in time.  Bad Mommy.  Live and Learn.

Better times today!  Anita and I took Evan to a McDonalds several blocks from the hotel.  It is really hot here and Evan acted as if he was going to fall out from all that walking.  Pretty funny for a kid that seems to have plenty of energy otherwise. 

McDonalds was very crowded and the menu board was in Chinese.  Thankfully they had a picture menu that we could point at to order.  We got our food and finally scouted 3 empty stools at a counter.   We were hoping against hope that the burgers tasted like home.  On our first night here we ordered a burger at a “Western” restaurant at the hotel and the meat tasted decidedly odd – not spoiled, just different.  A high: We were happy when the food actually tasted like standard  fare.  A low:  When Evan insisted he needed to use the restroom and I realized #1 – they only had Turkish potties (that’s a hole in the floor, folks) that no one ever seemed to flush and the stench was worse that any porta-potty I’ve been in back home…and #2 – there was not a sink to be found. Forget soap. So, what do the employees do when they use the restroom?  Ewwwwwwwwww…..

After McDonalds, we walked back to the park we had visited the last time.  There are several amusement park kiddie rides which he enjoyed.  There are also vending stands sprinkled throughout the park.  Evan pointed that he wanted a toy train that was hanging from a display.  I bought the train for him and we went on some rides.  Later, he saw other toys that he wanted, but I gestured to the train and that he only gets one.  I was very proud of him because he just nodded, “Yes,” and didn’t get upset. 

On the way out of the park we stopped to look at an ice cream case.  Evan pointed at a popsicle unlike anything I have ever seen.  The wrapper had a picture of green peas – just like when you buy frozen peas in the market!  I bought it for him just to see what was in the wrapper.  It was a frozen pureed pea popsicle!  I wonder how that would go over in the States?  There was one in the case that was corn flavored, too, but we did not buy one.

More highs:  Evan finger spelled his name today!  I taught him to say, “My name is
E-V-A-N.”    He is picking up other signs as well.  AND, I got him to SAY, “Ben.”  Alright, it’s not perfect, but the /Be/ is there.  I am excited to get him to an audiologist back home to see what is going on in those little ears. 

Evan is also a funny little guy.  He loves to pull pranks like trying to sneak up on Auntie Anita.   He put on a magic show for me yesterday also.  He had a green plastic cap from a drink bottle and he put it under a small throw/cover.  Then, he gestured for me to cover my eyes.  (Of course, I peeked! He reached under and took the cap out and hid it behind his back.)  Then, Evan tapped me to open my eyes and he whisked the cover away with great flair, using one had as if to say, “Voila!”   I clapped for his magic and he revealed the cap was behind him.   I can see Evan is going to be quite the entertainer, on many levels!  LOL. 

We are now heading into our final day in Zhengzhou.  Anita and I are glad.  This has not been a very kid-friendly location.  It is difficult to even take a walk because there is an endless stream of motor-scooter traffic down the SIDEWALKS.  And I am not talking about one lane.  They come 2, 3, and 4 across. Even when we try to walk very far over on the side, we have to be careful because some of the drivers think that is their “passing lane.”   I know Guangzhou will be better.